Monday, February 13, 2023

Empty Tank

I have an empty tank.  

I've always prided myself in being a generous person.  It's my nature.  Sometimes, some (even me occasionally) see that as either a huge weakness or as a very sucker quality.  People have taken advantage of me, no doubt, but it doesn't happen more than once with that person.

So now I have a couple of dilemas.

Wednesday is my friend J's 65th birthday.  I can't say I usually make a huge deal out of her birthday but I usually take her out for a meal & give her a card for Sonic or the tea store.  But, as with all of my friends, things have changed over the last few years.  She's never taken me  for a meal.  She sends me a text message.  That's it.  And now I haven't heard from since Christmas.  

Her life is a mess & she tends to revolve everything around her & her family, which is the right thing to do.  She asks me to do things for her...come to her job to help her out or sit with her mom & I always do it.  But I've asked her to do 3 things for me in the last year & nada.

1. She bills herself as a color expert. I asked her to come help me match colors.  She agreed but later texted that she'd had a rough day & that the thought of stepping out the door made her want to crawl under her bed.

2. I can't remember the 2nd request but I don't request anything hard or that costs money.  I even told her I was making BLT's for us for lunch.  She called to say her daugher stopped by & brought lunch & they had to work. 

3. Since I broke my wrist in May I have trouble turning things. I needed to change a filter in my refrigherator that called for turning it to release it.  She told me she'd be over the next day.  No show,no call. 

Haven't heard from her since.

I plan on just sending her a birthday text & not doing anything else and I feel horribly guilty.  But my spirit & tanks are empty & nothing is going in. 

I think I've decided & can't do for others if they can't do simple things for me. I think I was pretending to myself that they care & I can't do it any more. 

EDIT:  Got a text today wishing me "Happy heart day from your 💩 friend.  She's not wrong.  I wished her one back.  Could tomorrow be her birthday?  Hmmm.  My heart's not in the right place now.  

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