I have an empty tank.
I've always prided myself in being a generous person. It's my nature. Sometimes, some (even me occasionally) see that as either a huge weakness or as a very sucker quality. People have taken advantage of me, no doubt, but it doesn't happen more than once with that person.
So now I have a couple of dilemas.
Wednesday is my friend J's 65th birthday. I can't say I usually make a huge deal out of her birthday but I usually take her out for a meal & give her a card for Sonic or the tea store. But, as with all of my friends, things have changed over the last few years. She's never taken me for a meal. She sends me a text message. That's it. And now I haven't heard from since Christmas.
Her life is a mess & she tends to revolve everything around her & her family, which is the right thing to do. She asks me to do things for her...come to her job to help her out or sit with her mom & I always do it. But I've asked her to do 3 things for me in the last year & nada.
1. She bills herself as a color expert. I asked her to come help me match colors. She agreed but later texted that she'd had a rough day & that the thought of stepping out the door made her want to crawl under her bed.
2. I can't remember the 2nd request but I don't request anything hard or that costs money. I even told her I was making BLT's for us for lunch. She called to say her daugher stopped by & brought lunch & they had to work.
3. Since I broke my wrist in May I have trouble turning things. I needed to change a filter in my refrigherator that called for turning it to release it. She told me she'd be over the next day. No show,no call.
Haven't heard from her since.
I plan on just sending her a birthday text & not doing anything else and I feel horribly guilty. But my spirit & tanks are empty & nothing is going in.
I think I've decided & can't do for others if they can't do simple things for me. I think I was pretending to myself that they care & I can't do it any more.
EDIT: Got a text today wishing me "Happy heart day from your 💩 friend. She's not wrong. I wished her one back. Could tomorrow be her birthday? Hmmm. My heart's not in the right place now.