Envy

 

I'm envious sometimes.  But not jealous.

I grew up in a wonderful home.  We never had a lot but we always had enough. And we learned early that we did not get everything that caught our eye.  And if I really wanted something I would usually get it for Christmas.  Rocking chair, guitar, mixer...it was good.  And it's served me well over the years...I inheirited from both parents the truth that the person with the most stuff really doesn't really win.  I'm not a stuff person.

But I do envy sometimes.  

I wish I weighed 20 pounds less.

My friend L looks cute in her jewelry  but I can't stand jewelry touching my skin. But I envy her pretty necklaces. I wish I could wear one.

I wish I could love going to Texas Tech sports still.  Football games take too long.  Basketball games are too loud.  I can't afford more than a couple of baseball games a year.  I miss it.

I wish I could bake pretty things.  My cookies taste good but there's not a lot of finesse.  I know that practice makes perfect but if I practiced too much I'd need to wish for 50 pounds less.  

My neighbor is adopting a beautiful little girl.  40 years ago maybe but not now.  But she is such a sweet thing.

On Christmas day I wish I had someone to spend it with & I'd love a gift that I don't expect.  I have a friend that takes me out to eat for my birthday but at my suggestion we don't do gifts anymore because we were basically were shopping off lists that we could have bought for ourselves.  The spirit of giving was gone.

I would have loved my daddy walking me down a church aisle & would have loved a beautiful white dress.  Of course the styles 40 years ago were so different I probably would have chosen a cupcake dress with a butt bow.  I would have loved a handsome young cowboy standing there waiting for me. 

I was at Target the other day & saw a mom & daughter shopping for college dorm stuff & I was jealous.  No Target but mom & I shopped at K-Mart.  I envied that girl having that time with her mom.  I envy anyone who can spend time with either of their parents.

I would like a car with a bigger gas tank.  I'm scared to take my tiny tank car on trips, not that I could afford it now.  But I love my little car.  But I could love an Audi convertible too.

I wish my real estate career had worked.  I wish my card dealing career had worked.  But I don't regret trying.  I like my life very much now.  Even though I wish I had the money I spent with my follies I have enough now.  My life is fine.  I refer back to growing up in my parents home and I am grateful & don't have a lot but I have enough.

I wish I had 1000+ Twitter followers but I'm not that interesting.

I'd like a nice vacation every year to somewhere I haven't been.  I don't need Paris...I'd like to spend a couple of days in Colorado Springs.  Or Hot Springs.  Or Montana.  Although we did have pictures this week of a pasty Elon Musk on a yacht in Greece.  I'd be ok with that too.  But not with pasty Elon.

I'd like to get my house painted.

I'd like for my wrist to be completely healed.

I'd still like to meet a good man.  I don't need anyone to support me but I won't support anyone either.  Just someone willing to do his half.  Someone to eat a meal with or run errands with.  Someone to laugh with.

Basically, I envy stupid stuff.  People with pretty hair that would look like angel hair pasta on me.   Cute shoes that would make my feet hurt.  The ability of some to paint their nails. A weekend in Cloudcroft in a mountain cabin to just refresh.  

I'll probably be back to add more.